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What Were They Thinking?!

Sometimes, a new car is released and you think, "Hey, that's pretty good. I wouldn't say no to one of those". And then there's some where you just think, Why? Not just why, but how?! How did that THING get through customs without being seen as a danger to human life. Most of these said examples, come from obscure manufacturers that no one knows or cares about, and the cars are never good enough to sell, so we don't really notice them. I'm looking at you Ssang Yong Rodius. (In all fairness, the latest one is actually not bad, but my god what the hell happened with the first one.)


However, there are some rare cases, where a very prestigious, very expensive abomination slips under the radar. It has the speed to sell in millions, but no one wants to be seen in something that looks like the car equivalent of cancer. Something so dangerous, that even thinking about it will kill you. So here are some of these, oh so wonderful and expensive pigs. This should be good.


WEBER FASTER ONE


Not only does it look stupid, but it has a stupid name. Faster One? Faster then what? Is it just so when someone says "I have a fast car?" and then you reply, with your bottom lip SO far out that it goes up YOUR OWN ARSE, "Oh yeah? Well I have a Faster One!" Mmmmmm OK. I mean, to be honest, it probably is faster. Like, 900 hp is pretty, you know, pokey. And then there's the fact it weighs just over a tonne so in reality, when you realise it has OVER 800 hp per tonne, (which allows it to go 248 mph) it comes to your attention that maybe its not so bad. But just because it's fast, doesn't mean it stops it from looking like a certain lady part mated with a fish. It's supposed to be aerodynamic, which it probably is, but this is not how you do it. And it's Swiss, which is bloody ironic, considering they HATE cars.


BRISTOL FIGHTER


Bristol is a company from the stone age that went bust, before Boomers were aware of it's existence. But then in the early 2000's they came back! They re entered the automotive world with a new model of the Fighter. Although it's very different from the 1916 version which had wings and a propeller. Also, and I can't work this out, but they decided, the best engine to use for their new sports car was... an 8 litre V10 from a Dodge Viper. Very modern and up do date. And light. Of course, they decided that 525 hp in the standard model was not enough, so they went to some men who added a turbo, and pushed it to over 1000 hp. Nice. But you wouldn't think so looking at it. One, because it doesn't look like the kind of Hypercar that has more power than a Bugatti Veyron. And Two, it's hideous. I'm not sure what look they were exactly going for here, but I'm not sure they've pulled it off. It also has more plastic in it then Kylie Jenner.


PANOZ ABRUZZI



Some decades ago, some men called Bud and Bob. decided that a Ford Mustang, was the perfect platform for a gentleman's sports car. So they took the V8, supercharged it to over 400 hp and fitted it in a very lightweight body. And just like that the Esperante was born. It wasn't the worst looking car ever, but it was hardly slick. Anyway, about 15 or so years later, they decided a replacement was needed. Apparently they sold enough cars for people to care. Actually, they real reason these cars were created was for homologation purposes from GT races, in which the rules stated, that in order to compete, the race car must have a road going variant, so Bud and Bob had no choice but to sell the Esperante, and it's replacement. the Abruzzi. I would have mentioned this sooner, but frankly, I wanted to start with some form of lack-lustre, unfunny comedy, so you're welcome. Both had stupid names, let's be honest. Tried to make them sound Italian and Exotic. And as we know the Mustang is neither. But at least they tried. With the Abruzzi, they tried to make it LOOK exotic too. And screw me sideways, what a mess. I can't even describe what it's supposed to look like. Is that a shelving unit on the front? Somewhere to put family pictures for inspiration as you're racing round? I mean. Is it aerodynamic? Probably, but cars like this should be for Racing ONLY. No one wants to be seen in something that looks like it can be assembled from Ikea.



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